Each of us have had times in our lives where we have come to a crossroad. For me it was in 1990. Dave and I had been living on Maui together for about a year, and he decided to move to California. I could stay or go with him, but he was going for sure. Well, when you are in love with someone, it's not a hard choice, but when you're kama'aina, it's a little bit different. How do you leave your beloved 'aina and 'ohana behind? Well, I decided to go with him. My stomach started to hurt each day closer to the day we were supposed to leave. By the time we were taking off I started to seriously wonder if I was doing the right thing. I remember the lump in my throat, my family at the airport crying...hugging and kissing me, goodbye forever. I remember Mom telling Dave through her tears, "You take good care of my daughter, OK?" Dave looked her in the eye and replied, "I'll do the very best I can, Mrs. Wengler". It was one of the saddest days of my life, leaving home to move to California.
It is 20 years later. My mom passed away this March. That was, for sure, the saddest time in my life, and our family is still grieving our tremendous loss. We miss our Momma so very much. I still live in California, but am blessed to come home and visit a couple times a year. I ended up graduating from college and have an awesome job. Dave has done a good job taking care of me. We are still so in love and now happily married. We have been on many adventures together. I grew as a person because of the choices I've made and my experiences here on the mainland. I still miss home though. Maybe some day we can move back to the 'aina.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Teaching patience, hard work and humility...
I am taking an online class through Kamehameha schools A'o Makua program entitled Ka Na'iaupuni. It is an opportunity to learn about King Kamehameha, his childhood, upbringing and how he became the great king he was, uniting the Hawaiian Islands for the first time in history under his leadership.
We read stories about his birth and his childhood. "As a young student, Kamehameha was taught many lessons. Sometimes he is not the ideal student, but still, there are some hard lessons to learn while training under the guidance and teachings of his guardian, Chief Nae'ole and Kekuhaupio." We are asked to answer the following question on a discussion board:
Q: Can you think of a time when you had to teach your child/grandchild a lesson in patience, hard work and humility? Share a time when this was done. What were some of the valuable lessons learned? What were some of the outcomes.
A: This is a hard one for me because I don't have any children, which means of course, I don't have any grand children...All of my nieces and nephews live far away :( I am more of a friend and favorite aunty and choose to spoil the keiki whenever I see them. It is sad to think I have not taught them any of these valuable lessons.
I do work with adult learners in my Career and Life Transitions group. I facilitate this group with weekly workshops for people over 25 who are coming back to college to re-educate and wanting new careers. Some of my students are recently divorced, single parents, downsized, laid off, or fired from their jobs. We have veterans, people in recovery, or recently released from incarceration. Many students do not have computer or office skills, and in fact may have been executives in their former careers.
I remember one student in particular - a former CEO of a large international company. I will call her Ann (not her real name). Ann had assistants do all of her typing and letter writing, so she did not know how to type or use a computer. Several years later, the company had folded; Ann had no money, was unemployed, and seeking a new career. I worked with her to apply to our college and seek employment through the internet. As I began to help her, she wanted me to read all of her emails, type out responses, create and send her resume to all of these jobs she was interested in! I remember her saying, "Let's go ahead and make my resume. Send it to ABC and XYZ companies. Do you think you can handle that by this afternoon?"
As a counselor, I cannot do this. First of all, we don't have hours on end to spend on only one student. Secondly, I was not paid to be her assistant. I am a counselor and partner with students to create a career plan. Thirdly, by doing everything for her, I wasn't teaching anything...I was enabling her to continue getting me (or anyone else who would) help her anytime she wanted. It doesn't work that way anymore. She had to learn to help herself.
It took a little courage on my part to speak up because Ann was verbally dominant, used to getting her way and telling everybody what to do. I listened to her complain about how hard life was, how she used to make six-figures, how she wasn't a "typing" person, and how she felt like the oldest person in school (she's way not). I imagine the humility she experienced, and the courage she must have had, to take the steps to become a more self-sufficient person...not to mention the hard work that was ahead...
I painfully sat by and watched her slowly peck all over the keyboard just to get one sentence out...yet as long as I didn't give in, our time together was well invested. Ann finally decided that it might be a good idea to take keyboarding and a beginning computer class. She soon met other re-entry students, and actually began to socialize and enjoy coming to classes.
Today Ann is in her fourth semester of college. She earns good grades, has a part-time sales job and is thinking about attaining her Bachelor's degree. I imagine that this bittersweet heartache is what a parent goes through when they teach their children how patience, hard work and humility can pay off.
We read stories about his birth and his childhood. "As a young student, Kamehameha was taught many lessons. Sometimes he is not the ideal student, but still, there are some hard lessons to learn while training under the guidance and teachings of his guardian, Chief Nae'ole and Kekuhaupio." We are asked to answer the following question on a discussion board:
Q: Can you think of a time when you had to teach your child/grandchild a lesson in patience, hard work and humility? Share a time when this was done. What were some of the valuable lessons learned? What were some of the outcomes.
A: This is a hard one for me because I don't have any children, which means of course, I don't have any grand children...All of my nieces and nephews live far away :( I am more of a friend and favorite aunty and choose to spoil the keiki whenever I see them. It is sad to think I have not taught them any of these valuable lessons.
I do work with adult learners in my Career and Life Transitions group. I facilitate this group with weekly workshops for people over 25 who are coming back to college to re-educate and wanting new careers. Some of my students are recently divorced, single parents, downsized, laid off, or fired from their jobs. We have veterans, people in recovery, or recently released from incarceration. Many students do not have computer or office skills, and in fact may have been executives in their former careers.
I remember one student in particular - a former CEO of a large international company. I will call her Ann (not her real name). Ann had assistants do all of her typing and letter writing, so she did not know how to type or use a computer. Several years later, the company had folded; Ann had no money, was unemployed, and seeking a new career. I worked with her to apply to our college and seek employment through the internet. As I began to help her, she wanted me to read all of her emails, type out responses, create and send her resume to all of these jobs she was interested in! I remember her saying, "Let's go ahead and make my resume. Send it to ABC and XYZ companies. Do you think you can handle that by this afternoon?"
As a counselor, I cannot do this. First of all, we don't have hours on end to spend on only one student. Secondly, I was not paid to be her assistant. I am a counselor and partner with students to create a career plan. Thirdly, by doing everything for her, I wasn't teaching anything...I was enabling her to continue getting me (or anyone else who would) help her anytime she wanted. It doesn't work that way anymore. She had to learn to help herself.
It took a little courage on my part to speak up because Ann was verbally dominant, used to getting her way and telling everybody what to do. I listened to her complain about how hard life was, how she used to make six-figures, how she wasn't a "typing" person, and how she felt like the oldest person in school (she's way not). I imagine the humility she experienced, and the courage she must have had, to take the steps to become a more self-sufficient person...not to mention the hard work that was ahead...
I painfully sat by and watched her slowly peck all over the keyboard just to get one sentence out...yet as long as I didn't give in, our time together was well invested. Ann finally decided that it might be a good idea to take keyboarding and a beginning computer class. She soon met other re-entry students, and actually began to socialize and enjoy coming to classes.
Today Ann is in her fourth semester of college. She earns good grades, has a part-time sales job and is thinking about attaining her Bachelor's degree. I imagine that this bittersweet heartache is what a parent goes through when they teach their children how patience, hard work and humility can pay off.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Offering hope to those who have none…
These harsh economic times have been trying for so many people… not only in our own families, but in our communities, in our state, in our nation, and in the world. As a career counselor, I see people from all walks of life, particularly in our Career and Life Transitions group, where we serve a client base of people who are over 25 years old returning to college to re-train or educate so that they can support themselves and their families. These people come from the most diverse socio-economic backgrounds one can image. There are individuals who, either through no fault of their own or from bad judgment have found themselves displaced and homeless, and/or recently released from prison with no resources, no work skills, and no job.
Societal norms cause employers to be suspicious of individuals with a criminal record. I know this first-hand. I worked a human resources manager in my last career, in charge of hiring and training. I worked in a retail establishment, and it was against company policy to hire anyone with a criminal record for fear that they might re-offend. Everybody makes mistakes, and sometimes we make really bad errors in judgment. Some people get caught. We lock people up like a very unpleasant time-out, and hope they learn their lessons…but if no one will take a risk and give ex-offenders a second chance, how will they support themselves and feed their families? Looking at the situation from a systems perspective, how will these individuals practice responsible living and contribute to the community? How will they apply the lessons they’ve learned in prison? Everybody needs to eat, have a place to live, to feel accepted, to belong to a community, to feel connected. Without basic needs met, research shows it is highly likely to re-offend out of perceived lack of options. Is the answer to keep locking people up in a cycle that never ends? How draining is this on our economy? How safe is this to the people in our community in the long term? I think there is a proposition right now in our county to build bigger jails and lock people up for a long, long time. Is this really a sustainable solution or just a quick-fix answer to a re-occurring problem that continues to escalate?
Some of the people in my group live out their cars – but you’d never know; they may be in recovery from a drug or alcohol addiction. These individuals somehow manage to pull it together, get clean and sober, and are taking the steps to better their lives through education. There are veterans in my group too, who have fought for our nation to protect us. Re-entry into civilian life is a trip in itself, as I have seen the effects of war manifest itself in post-traumatic stress disorder. Our group includes individuals who have moved here because their spouses have gained local employment as division heads. There are single and married adults who have found themselves unemployed because of the economy, and individuals who are recently divorced without means to support themselves. There are people who struggle to make ends meet because earning minimum wage is not enough, and English might be their second language.
It is an interesting place to be, to be reinventing oneself through necessity. It takes courage. I know. I was there many times. I’ve found that the solution is to keep learning and growing - however painful the lessons - to keep gaining new work skills and applying them, to keep reinventing yourself so that when the economy is bad, you have a plethora of desirable work skills to offer.
I also believe that with the proper training, individuals can always support themselves by offering a product or service that is needed. I have found that in the worst of times, even when people have no money, they will find a way to pay for therapy and counseling…because counseling can deliver positive results faster than by trying to figure it out without guidance. It’s like being lost in a strange time and place…that’s exactly what unemployment and transition feels like! You can reach out and help yourself by getting a guide and map, and following directions to your destination (of course there are those that get a map and take no action). Or you can skip the guide, the map and just ask people along the way. Hopefully you speak the local language well enough to communicate your needs and receive comprehensive directions. Or you can continue to wander around lost.
I am constantly amazed that the human spirit can be so resilient. In the group there is a sense of sharing, camaraderie and a shared vision for a better future. I have heard people offer information to others in need, and I have witnessed miracles happen especially now, in the toughest economic times… the miracle of HOPE. Hope is bigger than any individual – it is the power of one person trying to become a better person, mindfully choosing to set depression aside and contribute to a cause bigger than him or herself. It’s the lovely sharing of food, friendship and networking to help others find situations that lead to sustainable employment. The beauty is, that in helping one another we help ourselves. By offering hope to one another, we become hopeful ourselves. Now more than ever, it is necessary to rely on more than a job – if we have one – or a government unemployment check to sustain us. It’s harsh enough out there and the competition is fierce. We need each other to exchange ideas and resources, to talk about our problems and to find solutions. We need to contribute as part of a whole. We need to feel valued. We need to be heard. This is how we learn to first become sustainable, and then to prosper… through contributions of effort and expertise, and by offering hope to one another.
Prayer of Saint Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon:
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope
where there is darkness, light
where there is sadness, joy
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
Societal norms cause employers to be suspicious of individuals with a criminal record. I know this first-hand. I worked a human resources manager in my last career, in charge of hiring and training. I worked in a retail establishment, and it was against company policy to hire anyone with a criminal record for fear that they might re-offend. Everybody makes mistakes, and sometimes we make really bad errors in judgment. Some people get caught. We lock people up like a very unpleasant time-out, and hope they learn their lessons…but if no one will take a risk and give ex-offenders a second chance, how will they support themselves and feed their families? Looking at the situation from a systems perspective, how will these individuals practice responsible living and contribute to the community? How will they apply the lessons they’ve learned in prison? Everybody needs to eat, have a place to live, to feel accepted, to belong to a community, to feel connected. Without basic needs met, research shows it is highly likely to re-offend out of perceived lack of options. Is the answer to keep locking people up in a cycle that never ends? How draining is this on our economy? How safe is this to the people in our community in the long term? I think there is a proposition right now in our county to build bigger jails and lock people up for a long, long time. Is this really a sustainable solution or just a quick-fix answer to a re-occurring problem that continues to escalate?
Some of the people in my group live out their cars – but you’d never know; they may be in recovery from a drug or alcohol addiction. These individuals somehow manage to pull it together, get clean and sober, and are taking the steps to better their lives through education. There are veterans in my group too, who have fought for our nation to protect us. Re-entry into civilian life is a trip in itself, as I have seen the effects of war manifest itself in post-traumatic stress disorder. Our group includes individuals who have moved here because their spouses have gained local employment as division heads. There are single and married adults who have found themselves unemployed because of the economy, and individuals who are recently divorced without means to support themselves. There are people who struggle to make ends meet because earning minimum wage is not enough, and English might be their second language.
It is an interesting place to be, to be reinventing oneself through necessity. It takes courage. I know. I was there many times. I’ve found that the solution is to keep learning and growing - however painful the lessons - to keep gaining new work skills and applying them, to keep reinventing yourself so that when the economy is bad, you have a plethora of desirable work skills to offer.
I also believe that with the proper training, individuals can always support themselves by offering a product or service that is needed. I have found that in the worst of times, even when people have no money, they will find a way to pay for therapy and counseling…because counseling can deliver positive results faster than by trying to figure it out without guidance. It’s like being lost in a strange time and place…that’s exactly what unemployment and transition feels like! You can reach out and help yourself by getting a guide and map, and following directions to your destination (of course there are those that get a map and take no action). Or you can skip the guide, the map and just ask people along the way. Hopefully you speak the local language well enough to communicate your needs and receive comprehensive directions. Or you can continue to wander around lost.
I am constantly amazed that the human spirit can be so resilient. In the group there is a sense of sharing, camaraderie and a shared vision for a better future. I have heard people offer information to others in need, and I have witnessed miracles happen especially now, in the toughest economic times… the miracle of HOPE. Hope is bigger than any individual – it is the power of one person trying to become a better person, mindfully choosing to set depression aside and contribute to a cause bigger than him or herself. It’s the lovely sharing of food, friendship and networking to help others find situations that lead to sustainable employment. The beauty is, that in helping one another we help ourselves. By offering hope to one another, we become hopeful ourselves. Now more than ever, it is necessary to rely on more than a job – if we have one – or a government unemployment check to sustain us. It’s harsh enough out there and the competition is fierce. We need each other to exchange ideas and resources, to talk about our problems and to find solutions. We need to contribute as part of a whole. We need to feel valued. We need to be heard. This is how we learn to first become sustainable, and then to prosper… through contributions of effort and expertise, and by offering hope to one another.
Prayer of Saint Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon:
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope
where there is darkness, light
where there is sadness, joy
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Featured on the local news! 6/27/10
Cami Vignoe presented Re-imagining Re-Entry, a workshop that showcased innovative programs for adults returning to college at the Westmont Career Convergence for counseling professionals.
Following the conference, Cami was featured on Infocus, a weekly television news program, offering advise to the viewers on finding work in tough economic times. You can view the interview here: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=cami+vignoe&aq=f
Following the conference, Cami was featured on Infocus, a weekly television news program, offering advise to the viewers on finding work in tough economic times. You can view the interview here: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=cami+vignoe&aq=f
Monday, October 12, 2009
Xtreme Career Makeover - future plans...
Xtreme Career Makeover was a project that Kristin Frascella and I worked on in 2007 - 2008. It includes:
1. a service - career counseling for people wanting to change their lives - and
2. a "tool kit" - tools of the trade which included resume templates, self-discovery exercises, assessments, etc. Xtreme Career Makeover project was funded by a grant that Kristin and I wrote and won. The project documented the lives of five individuals returning to re-educate and change their careers. It was very successful.
Kristin and I presented Xtreme Career Makeover at three different conferences - the ICDC (International Career Development Conference), CCA (California Counselor Association) and the Career Counselors' Professional Career Symposium held at Westmont College and sponsored by UCSB. Xtreme Career Makeover won the "Rising Star" award with Santa Barbara Human Resources Association (SBHRA), a local chapter of Society of Human Resources Management (SHRM), and was voted as one of the best new idea for Human Resources Professionals to use in 2008.
So much has happened since then! Our students graduated (some with honors) and secured amazing jobs. Kristin and her husband Giovanni gave birth to a brand new baby girl in August. My private business as a career counselor took off...and now I am teaching career psychology again - at the masters' level - as an adjunct professor at Antioch University. I have the most amazing and brilliant students. They are bright, eager, and hungry for knowledge. It is truly a blessing to be giving of your talent, living your dreams, and working in a career that you love. I thank God for these gifts every day.
1. a service - career counseling for people wanting to change their lives - and
2. a "tool kit" - tools of the trade which included resume templates, self-discovery exercises, assessments, etc. Xtreme Career Makeover project was funded by a grant that Kristin and I wrote and won. The project documented the lives of five individuals returning to re-educate and change their careers. It was very successful.
Kristin and I presented Xtreme Career Makeover at three different conferences - the ICDC (International Career Development Conference), CCA (California Counselor Association) and the Career Counselors' Professional Career Symposium held at Westmont College and sponsored by UCSB. Xtreme Career Makeover won the "Rising Star" award with Santa Barbara Human Resources Association (SBHRA), a local chapter of Society of Human Resources Management (SHRM), and was voted as one of the best new idea for Human Resources Professionals to use in 2008.
So much has happened since then! Our students graduated (some with honors) and secured amazing jobs. Kristin and her husband Giovanni gave birth to a brand new baby girl in August. My private business as a career counselor took off...and now I am teaching career psychology again - at the masters' level - as an adjunct professor at Antioch University. I have the most amazing and brilliant students. They are bright, eager, and hungry for knowledge. It is truly a blessing to be giving of your talent, living your dreams, and working in a career that you love. I thank God for these gifts every day.
Monday, January 7, 2008
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