Each of us have had times in our lives where we have come to a crossroad. For me it was in 1990. Dave and I had been living on Maui together for about a year, and he decided to move to California. I could stay or go with him, but he was going for sure. Well, when you are in love with someone, it's not a hard choice, but when you're kama'aina, it's a little bit different. How do you leave your beloved 'aina and 'ohana behind? Well, I decided to go with him. My stomach started to hurt each day closer to the day we were supposed to leave. By the time we were taking off I started to seriously wonder if I was doing the right thing. I remember the lump in my throat, my family at the airport crying...hugging and kissing me, goodbye forever. I remember Mom telling Dave through her tears, "You take good care of my daughter, OK?" Dave looked her in the eye and replied, "I'll do the very best I can, Mrs. Wengler". It was one of the saddest days of my life, leaving home to move to California.
It is 20 years later. My mom passed away this March. That was, for sure, the saddest time in my life, and our family is still grieving our tremendous loss. We miss our Momma so very much. I still live in California, but am blessed to come home and visit a couple times a year. I ended up graduating from college and have an awesome job. Dave has done a good job taking care of me. We are still so in love and now happily married. We have been on many adventures together. I grew as a person because of the choices I've made and my experiences here on the mainland. I still miss home though. Maybe some day we can move back to the 'aina.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Teaching patience, hard work and humility...
I am taking an online class through Kamehameha schools A'o Makua program entitled Ka Na'iaupuni. It is an opportunity to learn about King Kamehameha, his childhood, upbringing and how he became the great king he was, uniting the Hawaiian Islands for the first time in history under his leadership.
We read stories about his birth and his childhood. "As a young student, Kamehameha was taught many lessons. Sometimes he is not the ideal student, but still, there are some hard lessons to learn while training under the guidance and teachings of his guardian, Chief Nae'ole and Kekuhaupio." We are asked to answer the following question on a discussion board:
Q: Can you think of a time when you had to teach your child/grandchild a lesson in patience, hard work and humility? Share a time when this was done. What were some of the valuable lessons learned? What were some of the outcomes.
A: This is a hard one for me because I don't have any children, which means of course, I don't have any grand children...All of my nieces and nephews live far away :( I am more of a friend and favorite aunty and choose to spoil the keiki whenever I see them. It is sad to think I have not taught them any of these valuable lessons.
I do work with adult learners in my Career and Life Transitions group. I facilitate this group with weekly workshops for people over 25 who are coming back to college to re-educate and wanting new careers. Some of my students are recently divorced, single parents, downsized, laid off, or fired from their jobs. We have veterans, people in recovery, or recently released from incarceration. Many students do not have computer or office skills, and in fact may have been executives in their former careers.
I remember one student in particular - a former CEO of a large international company. I will call her Ann (not her real name). Ann had assistants do all of her typing and letter writing, so she did not know how to type or use a computer. Several years later, the company had folded; Ann had no money, was unemployed, and seeking a new career. I worked with her to apply to our college and seek employment through the internet. As I began to help her, she wanted me to read all of her emails, type out responses, create and send her resume to all of these jobs she was interested in! I remember her saying, "Let's go ahead and make my resume. Send it to ABC and XYZ companies. Do you think you can handle that by this afternoon?"
As a counselor, I cannot do this. First of all, we don't have hours on end to spend on only one student. Secondly, I was not paid to be her assistant. I am a counselor and partner with students to create a career plan. Thirdly, by doing everything for her, I wasn't teaching anything...I was enabling her to continue getting me (or anyone else who would) help her anytime she wanted. It doesn't work that way anymore. She had to learn to help herself.
It took a little courage on my part to speak up because Ann was verbally dominant, used to getting her way and telling everybody what to do. I listened to her complain about how hard life was, how she used to make six-figures, how she wasn't a "typing" person, and how she felt like the oldest person in school (she's way not). I imagine the humility she experienced, and the courage she must have had, to take the steps to become a more self-sufficient person...not to mention the hard work that was ahead...
I painfully sat by and watched her slowly peck all over the keyboard just to get one sentence out...yet as long as I didn't give in, our time together was well invested. Ann finally decided that it might be a good idea to take keyboarding and a beginning computer class. She soon met other re-entry students, and actually began to socialize and enjoy coming to classes.
Today Ann is in her fourth semester of college. She earns good grades, has a part-time sales job and is thinking about attaining her Bachelor's degree. I imagine that this bittersweet heartache is what a parent goes through when they teach their children how patience, hard work and humility can pay off.
We read stories about his birth and his childhood. "As a young student, Kamehameha was taught many lessons. Sometimes he is not the ideal student, but still, there are some hard lessons to learn while training under the guidance and teachings of his guardian, Chief Nae'ole and Kekuhaupio." We are asked to answer the following question on a discussion board:
Q: Can you think of a time when you had to teach your child/grandchild a lesson in patience, hard work and humility? Share a time when this was done. What were some of the valuable lessons learned? What were some of the outcomes.
A: This is a hard one for me because I don't have any children, which means of course, I don't have any grand children...All of my nieces and nephews live far away :( I am more of a friend and favorite aunty and choose to spoil the keiki whenever I see them. It is sad to think I have not taught them any of these valuable lessons.
I do work with adult learners in my Career and Life Transitions group. I facilitate this group with weekly workshops for people over 25 who are coming back to college to re-educate and wanting new careers. Some of my students are recently divorced, single parents, downsized, laid off, or fired from their jobs. We have veterans, people in recovery, or recently released from incarceration. Many students do not have computer or office skills, and in fact may have been executives in their former careers.
I remember one student in particular - a former CEO of a large international company. I will call her Ann (not her real name). Ann had assistants do all of her typing and letter writing, so she did not know how to type or use a computer. Several years later, the company had folded; Ann had no money, was unemployed, and seeking a new career. I worked with her to apply to our college and seek employment through the internet. As I began to help her, she wanted me to read all of her emails, type out responses, create and send her resume to all of these jobs she was interested in! I remember her saying, "Let's go ahead and make my resume. Send it to ABC and XYZ companies. Do you think you can handle that by this afternoon?"
As a counselor, I cannot do this. First of all, we don't have hours on end to spend on only one student. Secondly, I was not paid to be her assistant. I am a counselor and partner with students to create a career plan. Thirdly, by doing everything for her, I wasn't teaching anything...I was enabling her to continue getting me (or anyone else who would) help her anytime she wanted. It doesn't work that way anymore. She had to learn to help herself.
It took a little courage on my part to speak up because Ann was verbally dominant, used to getting her way and telling everybody what to do. I listened to her complain about how hard life was, how she used to make six-figures, how she wasn't a "typing" person, and how she felt like the oldest person in school (she's way not). I imagine the humility she experienced, and the courage she must have had, to take the steps to become a more self-sufficient person...not to mention the hard work that was ahead...
I painfully sat by and watched her slowly peck all over the keyboard just to get one sentence out...yet as long as I didn't give in, our time together was well invested. Ann finally decided that it might be a good idea to take keyboarding and a beginning computer class. She soon met other re-entry students, and actually began to socialize and enjoy coming to classes.
Today Ann is in her fourth semester of college. She earns good grades, has a part-time sales job and is thinking about attaining her Bachelor's degree. I imagine that this bittersweet heartache is what a parent goes through when they teach their children how patience, hard work and humility can pay off.
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